Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
