New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
false alarm. still invincible.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
