so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
