how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
