This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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