I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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