Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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