I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize