it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
