now i know why i became what i already was.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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