community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
