Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
