Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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