What did we do last night that was yellow?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
