So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
