i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We need to rekindle our bromance
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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