I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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