please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
