So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
