you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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