You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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