I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
