I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
