I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
