But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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