I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize