Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
