C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
