P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
