My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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