i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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