I'm eating all of the evidence.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
