I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
