there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I need a beard to bite.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
