checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
