I wish I only lived at night.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
