3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize