Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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