I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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