I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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