I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
