is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Your penis caused this!
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