I accidentally burped into my bong.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Watching her eat just hurts me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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