then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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