She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My vagina is very pro this idea
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
