can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
