I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
