I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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