yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize