Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
