3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
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