The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
