The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
