Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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