Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
