I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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