someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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