That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
