And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
