I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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