I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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