I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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