He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
