you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
