I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
