So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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