the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
