Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Can Purell be used as lube?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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