I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
